Choosing your first sex toy should feel exciting — not stressful. But with thousands of options online (and a lot of loud opinions), it’s easy to feel like you need to pick “the perfect one” or you’ll waste money and regret it.
You don’t.
The best first sex toy is simply the one that matches what you’re curious about, feels comfortable for your body, and is easy to use and clean. This guide will help you choose calmly, safely, and confidently — without getting overwhelmed or pressured into buying something too intense.
Step 1: Start With What You Want to Feel (Not What You Think You “Should” Buy)
Instead of starting with product categories, start with sensations. Ask yourself one simple question:
What kind of stimulation do I want to explore first?
External stimulation (most beginner-friendly)
This focuses on stimulation outside the body — commonly the clitoris, nipples, vulva, perineum, inner thighs, or the head or underside of the penis. Many people find external stimulation more comfortable and easier to enjoy as a first step.
Internal stimulation
This focuses on insertion and internal pressure. Some people love it immediately, while others prefer to get comfortable with external stimulation first. Internal toys vary hugely in size and shape, so choosing a simple, moderate design is often best for beginners.
Blended stimulation (external + internal)
Some toys are designed to stimulate both at the same time. These can feel incredible, but they can also feel like “a lot” for a first experience, depending on sensitivity and confidence.
Solo vs partner play
Your first toy can be completely for you — or something you introduce with a partner. There’s no right answer. If you’re choosing for couples play, starting with something simple and low-pressure usually leads to a better experience.
Step 2: The Most Beginner-Friendly Types of Sex Toys
You don’t need to try everything. Most people start with one of these categories because they’re easy to understand, easy to use, and effective.
Small vibrators (bullet, mini wand, finger-style)
If you want a “first toy that just works”, a small external vibrator is usually the safest choice.
Why beginners like them:
- Non-intimidating and compact
- Easy to control and position
- Great for learning what intensity you enjoy
- Often more affordable than larger toys
What to look for:
- Multiple speed levels so you can start gentle
- A soft, body-safe surface (silicone is ideal)
- Simple controls — you shouldn’t need a manual
Wand-style vibrators (including mini wands)
Wands are known for deeper, broader vibrations. A mini wand can be a brilliant “first upgrade” if you want more power without a complicated shape.
Why they work:
- Broad stimulation rather than pinpoint intensity
- Easy to hold and aim
- Great for solo or partner play
Beginner tip: If you’re sensitive, choose a model with a wide range of low settings. Strong vibration can be overwhelming if there’s no gentle starting point.
Dildos (simple, smooth, moderate size)
Dildos don’t vibrate — they’re designed for pressure, fullness, and penetration. If you’re curious about internal play, a beginner dildo should feel uncomplicated.
What to look for:
- Smooth or lightly textured surfaces (easier to clean, less intense)
- Moderate size — you can always go bigger later
- A safe base, especially if anal use is possible
Beginner tip: There’s no prize for going large. Comfort and confidence win every time.
Cock rings (especially soft or vibrating designs)
Cock rings are simple, popular, and often a great first couples toy. They’re worn at the base of the penis, and some include vibration to stimulate a partner externally.
Why beginners like them:
- Easy to understand and use
- Can help erections feel firmer for some people
- Add extra sensation for both partners
- Often budget-friendly
Safety note: They should never hurt and shouldn’t be worn for extended periods. Soft, stretchy, easy-to-remove designs are best for first-time use.
Beginner anal toys (small butt plugs or anal beads)
If you’re curious about anal play, start slow. Anal toys for beginners should always be small, smooth, and have a flared base.
What to look for:
- Small size
- Smooth shape
- Flared base (non-negotiable)
- Body-safe materials
The most common beginner mistake with anal toys is choosing something too large or skipping lubrication.
Male masturbators (sleeves)
For penis owners, a masturbator sleeve can be an excellent first toy. It’s straightforward and doesn’t require new techniques — it simply changes sensation.
What to look for:
- Easy-clean design
- Body-safe material
- A size that doesn’t feel uncomfortably tight
Step 3: The Three Key Filters That Remove Overwhelm
If you do nothing else, use these three filters. They remove most of the confusion instantly.
Function: What does it actually do?
- Do I want vibration or not?
- External only, internal only, or both?
- Solo use or partner-friendly?
- Do I need something quiet or discreet?
If you’re unsure, choose something versatile. A small external vibrator can be used in many ways.
Look & feel: Does it feel comfortable to you?
This matters more than people admit.
- Realistic-looking or abstract?
- Smooth or textured?
- Soft and flexible or firmer pressure?
- Discreet and subtle, or bold and playful?
The “best” toy on paper is worthless if you feel awkward holding it.
Price: Start sensible, upgrade later
For your first toy, it’s usually wise not to overspend. You’re learning what you like.
A common pattern:
First toy = simple and affordable
Second toy = more targeted based on what you learned
Third toy = “okay, now I know exactly what I want”
Step 4: Materials & Safety (This Is Where You Should Be Picky)
If you want one rule that protects you, choose body-safe, non-porous materials. They’re easier to clean, more hygienic, and last longer.
Good choices include:
- Silicone — body-safe, flexible, easy to clean
- ABS plastic — smooth, firm, common in bullets
- Stainless steel — firm, non-porous, luxury feel
- Glass — smooth, non-porous, easy to clean
Materials to be cautious with:
- Jelly rubber or “jelly”
- Unlabelled rubber blends
- Very cheap porous materials
If a product doesn’t clearly state what it’s made from, treat that as a red flag.
Step 5: Noise, Discretion & Real-Life Practicalities
Many people don’t think about this until after they buy — and then it becomes the reason the toy never gets used.
- Do you need something quiet (thin walls, housemates, kids)?
- Do you want a travel lock to prevent accidental activation?
- Do you want waterproof for easier cleaning?
- Rechargeable for consistency, or battery-powered for convenience?
If privacy matters, a compact rechargeable toy with a quieter motor is usually a safe choice.
Step 6: Beginner Do’s and Don’ts
The Do’s
- DO use the right lubricant. Water-based lube is the safest all-round choice.
- DO start low and go slow. Let your body adjust.
- DO clean your toy after every use. Before and after if you want to be extra safe.
- DO listen to your body. Pleasure should never feel forced.
The Don’ts
- DON’T rush into intense toys. Bigger and stronger are not better.
- DON’T use anal toys without a flared base. This is a safety requirement.
- DON’T store toys loose in a drawer. Dust and bacteria build up.
- DON’T use silicone lube on silicone toys. Water-based is safest.
Step 7: First-Time Tips That Make Everything Easier
- Test vibration on your hand first (inner wrist is a good guide)
- Use more lubricant than you think you need
- Try stimulation over underwear if you’re sensitive
- Give yourself time — orgasm isn’t the goal of session one
- If using with a partner, communicate and keep it playful
The goal isn’t performance. It’s exploration.
Common Beginner Myths (Debunked)
“Vibrators will make me numb.”
Temporary desensitisation can happen with high power for long periods, but it fades quickly. Start low and take breaks.
“I need penetration to enjoy a toy.”
Many people climax most reliably from external stimulation. This is completely normal.
“Buying an expensive toy guarantees I’ll like it.”
Preference matters more than price.
“There’s something wrong with me if it doesn’t work straight away.”
There isn’t. Learning what you like takes time.
Final Thoughts
Your first sex toy shouldn’t feel like a test you can fail. It should feel like an invitation to explore your body with curiosity and comfort.
Start simple. Prioritise body-safe materials. Choose something you’ll actually feel comfortable using. You can always upgrade once you learn what you enjoy.
You’re not trying to buy the “best” toy in the world.
You’re trying to buy the best first step for you.
