I recently signed up for a topless and naked cleaning service. With no other motivation other than the £90 cash in hand payment, and no idea what to expect, I joined up with an agency to give myself some sort of reassurance of protection.
For a small fee, your profile becomes live on the website and you are able to be booked for jobs through the agency. Honestly, I’d pretty much forgotten that I’d paid to have my profile viewable on the website when I got a text from the agency saying I’d been booked for a job. I think at the time I was the only naked cleaner available in the area, but as it’s a smallish place, no one had booked me (or maybe they just didn’t like the look of me).
The jobs are paid by the hour, with clients able to request how many hours they’d like you to clean for. There’s no touching allowed, and no photos or videos to be taken. If a client breaks these rules I’m assuming they will not be allowed to book through the agency again but this wasn’t explained to me, just what I’ve been able to glean from the FAQ on the website. The text read that I’d been requested for 2 hours with a list of times I could choose from. The first time the client had requested happened to be my day off so I replied to the agency confirming I would be there. The agency asked me to complete a lateral flow test and send a picture, and then sent me the address I would be attending, complete with instructions on how to find it and photographs of the outside of the house. I’m guessing this is because discretion is one of their policies and no one wants a heavily made up young female loitering unexplained on their street for all the neighbours to twitch their net curtains at.
On the day of the appointment, the agency texted to check I was still up for attending, and reminded me to arrive discreetly. They asked me to dress “casually” to not attract attention. Little do they know, I have never once dressed casually in my entire life (I usually wear some sort of underwear as outerwear or just straight up kink gear) but I settled on leggings and a long shirt dress. Clothing that will easily be removed, unlike skinny jeans which take me ten full minutes and a shoehorn to get in and out of.
Part of me wished I had pepper spray to take with me just in case but I don’t so I settled for texting the address to my partner with strict instructions to call the police if I didn’t return at a certain time. I spent approximately an hour getting ready from washing and straightening my hair, to shaving every inch of my body, then applying makeup. My opinion is that if a client has paid for an experience, it’s up to me to put the effort and work in to give that total experience. At the end of the day, he will be the one paying for my electric and gas so I should acknowledge his importance.
I ubered to the address and immediately recognised the house thanks to the pictures provided by the agency. Because I was 15 minutes earlier and very nervous, I dipped down an alleyway to have a cheeky cigarette before going inside. I texted the agency to say I’d arrived, and they told me to text again once inside and had received the payment.
I had to knock a couple of times before the client answered the door which did nothing for my nervous state. If he didn’t answer the door I would be two taxi rides down in cash with no reimbursement. Luckily he answered after the third knock and invited me inside. I collected the cash and stowed it in my bag, then he showed me through to the living room so I could undress. He asked if he could also undress which is allowed by the agency so I agreed, and we both ditched our clothing. The client spent some time admiring my body, then I asked if there was any cleaning I could do. I was handed a hoover and asked to do the stairs which I did whilst he followed me around chatting. He was clearly more nervous than me and very sweet, moving his electric heater around so I wouldn’t get cold (very considerate). We chatted about his life and hobbies whilst I did some light dusting and ironing. At no point was he inappropriate in any way- he made no attempts to invade my personal space or touch himself at all (the latter I wouldn’t have minded as long as I was out of the “splash zone”). For the last 45 minutes he admitted he didn’t have anything else for me to clean so we sat down together (separate chairs) and enjoyed a coffee. I watched him make the coffee using a pre packaged all in one sachet, and declined sugar or sweetener just in case anything had been added to it. This is all for safety of course- no matter how polite or sweet someone seems, there is never an excuse to take risks.
Whilst we talked over coffee I realised how relaxed I was. This was a very nice older man who just seemed lonely in his older age. He shyly admitted to having purchased some costumes (think schoolgirl skirts) and asked if I would mind wearing them if he were to book me again. That was all fine by me and he went to fetch them so I could try them on. We had a mini fashion show which he seemed very pleased with. At this point, he did ask if he could touch my breasts but I reminded him the agency does not allow touching which he was perfectly okay with.
The appointment came to a close and I booked a taxi on my phone via an app (so the client didn’t hear me say my address, another safety measure). Once I had left the house, I texted the agency to say I had left and walked to the end of the street to meet the taxi. One neighbour was very obviously staring through his window at me which is why I declined to wait outside the house (being discreet is key).
Upon returning home a little past the expected time, I found my partner fast asleep. It’s a good thing I wasn’t being held hostage in a psychopath killer's house because she had no idea what time it was when I woke her and clearly wouldn’t have contacted anyone for several hours had I not returned.
I had a wonderful experience as my first time naked cleaning which is entirely due to being booked by a sweet and considerate client. I would absolutely like to meet him again and look forward to it.
