Ever wanted to know what personality traits your favourite spicy toy reveals about you? Well look no further.- this highly scientific blog post* will tell all.
If your favourite toy is a…..
Dildo
People whose favourite sex toy is a dildo are strong willed and dependable. You’d rather stay in watching Stranger Things than go out to a club (but who wouldn’t these days?) and your body count is an ex partner only list. If a dildo is your toy of choice, you know exactly what you want and aren’t scared to show it and your confidence extends to all areas of your life. People might call you boring but you’re settled enough to not care.
For the traditional users: This vibrating dildo is a great size for most and will provide hours of pleasure with its wired remote.
For someone who wants to try something different: If penetration is your game, then why not double the fun? This double penetrator vibrator is twice as nice as its aforementioned counterpart.
Rabbit
If your choice of toy has ears, you probably shared Fifty Shades of Gray around your yummy mummy book club and dog eared your favorite pages. Ann Summers parties are your go to naughty nights in and sex happens on a rotating schedule that works around when the kids are at sleepovers. I’m surprised if it isn’t written on your kitchen calendar to be honest. You probably haven't tried many toys yet but there’s always time to experiment.
For the traditional users: This gorgeous luxury rabbit from Jopen is classy and elegant. It’s also rechargeable- so you don’t have to mess around with stealing the batteries out of the remote control.
For someone who wants to try something different: This thrusting rabbit rotates and gyrates to provide endless pleasure- just like the name says! With all the fun of the clit stim and penetration a classic rabbit provides, just an updated version to really hit those sweet spots.
Remote control love egg
While your work colleagues are hungover on a Monday morning and concentrating only on their coffee, you’re sitting in that 9am meeting quietly having an interior vaginal massage. Have you considered a holiday to Vegas with that poker face? You’re definitely the one who wears the pants in the relationship and not just to keep your toy in place. One thing is for sure; I’m never offering to help with the food shop in case you suddenly come in Tescos crisp section.
For the traditional users: This waterproof remote control egg will bring hours of joy
For someone who wants to try something different: The LOVENSE is a fully controllable app powered vibe with so many custom settings and power that packs a punch
Wand
Your favourite position is also missionary right? And don’t try pretending to me that it’s not just because then you don’t have to do any work. If you pick up the wand before anything else I already know you’re so basic that pumpkin spice lattes are your autumnal drink of choice and you follow micro trends like they’re your religion. I bet you’ve never even touched the pulse settings either- you just wack it up to its highest setting every time and go to town.
For the traditional users: This silicone wand won’t fail you. With 20 settings you can pretend to choose from before just settling on the highest, there’s tons of orgasms to be had from this toy. Small enough to be discreet but still packing the most powerful punch, you can’t go wrong.
For someone who wants to try something different: Come on I know you can do it. You can make the tiniest amount of effort. This plug in wand is not only powerful enough to blow your clit off (if you haven’t already), it comes with several settings to try. Vanilla isn’t the only flavour out there babe.
Air pulse
Oh hun. You’ve been single for so long you’ve actually considered letting your mum set you up with her best friend's son. Of course, you won’t actually do that though because you know no other person could ever make you feel as good as your extensive toy collection can. You know your own body so why bother letting anyone else clumsily fumble your inner thigh for five minutes before collapsing on top of you and snoring down your ear all night?
For the traditional users: The Satisfyer air pulse won’t eat all your cereal in the morning before you kick them out, nor will you have to make politely interested noises as they show you the contents of their camera roll.
For someone who wants to try something different: Same deal as above, now featuring a g-spot vibrator as the handle. Seriously, who needs a partner?
Strap on
You’re in charge. Probably not just in the bedroom either- I can already tell that you dominate the room and the word “bossy” is applied to your personality liberally. You’re always the one organising the events rather than just enjoying them but you wouldn’t have it any other way.
For the traditional users: This universal harness comes with a basic toy for all your penetrating needs.
For someone who wants to try something different: Why not try a rabbit ears vibrating version? Because who doesn’t love extra stimulation…
You might notice that bullets aren’t on the list. That’s because if your favourite toy is a bullet I already know you haven’t tried literally any other toy ever.
*Not to be confused with ACTUAL scientific research. This is just Eddie’s opinion basically.
