Most of you are very familiar with how to use sex toys during masturbation but when it comes to whipping them out with your partners, that’s when it becomes a whole other story. This might even lead some people to question how the best way to get started actually is. Really and truly, we are quite lucky that there isn’t really a massive difference in using a toy by yourself, to using a toy with your partner. Another bonus is that most toys you tend to use during masturbation, you can also use during couples play!
That being said, involving a partner into the mix opens up a lot of new possibilities! Not only in terms of couple specific toys but also techniques which may require an extra pair of hands. As long as both parties are curious, then sex toys will make a strong addition to any sex life.
We have put a guide together with everything you need to know about, when it comes to using sex toys as a couple.
Why Use Sex Toys?
You will find that sex toys might not be for everyone or even every couple, and you may be one of the many that are still slightly on the fence about exploring with sex toys. Its perfectly fine and you are not alone!
However, plenty of people – especially those with vaginas – will require certain types of stimulation to achieve an orgasm. They will certainly need some clitoral stimulation to get off. Even though you might not necessarily need a vibrator to play with the clitoris, it would definitely help make a difference, especially if you’re wanting a more powerful stimulation than you or your partner could administer on your own. Its nothing to be ashamed about, a lot of people often find themselves only being able to achieve an orgasm when using a vibrator.
Sex toys don’t only have to be used to help achieve an orgasm, they can also offer different sensations, that you simply wouldn’t be able to achieve with the use of one.
What Types of Sex Toys?
Simply put, any sex toys can be used! With that in mind you need to make sure both parties are on the same page as to which sex toys will be used.
Here is a bit more about some of the most common sex toys available to couples.
Couple specific toys: Although any toy can be used as a couple’s toy (when you put your mind to it) there are some toys specifically designed for partnered play. These are toys that can be inserted into the vagina during penetration in order to provide sensation for the clitoris, G-spot and partners penis all at the same time.
Vibrators: Most of you will already know that there is a massive variety of different vibrators available, from external wands and bullets to insertable vibrators and rabbits. Its all depends on your personal choice as to which is best for you, although when it comes to partnered sex there are a few things that need to be considered. This can include things like, the size and shape of an external vibe and whether you are wanting to use it during penetration, or if your partner will be able to hold it comfortably from different angles.
Dildos, plugs and strap-ons: Basically, any sex toy which can be used to penetrate one another, either anally or vaginally. Also, you will find that this category will overlap with the vibrators, this is simply due a lot of vibrators being dildos or even plugs.
BDSM and other sensation play toys: Some BDSM enthusiasts will often prefer to call these accessories instead of toys, but they should certainly be on the radar whatever you wish to call them. These are often anything that help you play with your 5 senses, from bondage tape to blindfolds.
Are you both on board?
This is a very important step to take when using sex toys as a couple and making sure everyone involved is wanting to use sex toys. Communication is key, it might involve a conversation, but don’t worry if you or your partner have a few initial hesitations. Couples using sex toys still gets a lot of societal weirdness, even nowadays. After all sex toys don’t make a lot of appearances in traditional sex scenes found in movies and on television (pr even a lot of mainstream porn). Also, a lot of people will internalize the narrative of how a good partner is supposed to be ‘enough’ for you and your needs, so no toys needed. With messaging like this it’s no wonder a lot of people feel uncertain about bringing sex toys into the mix.
However even if you are both pro-toys, it is still a good idea to make sure you are both fully on board with the safe sex practices you’ll use, if necessary, when using sex toys – this could simply involve putting a new condom on a dildo after you’ve used it but before your partner does.
Being open with your partner about the experience of using sex toys together doesn’t need to be awkward even though it might seem it at the time. However, it will be extremely beneficial, so you are both aware of what the other is willing to try or not try. There is nothing wrong with starting off with the basics and working your way up.
Shop for sex toys together!
If you’ve never used a sex toy before, so are a true beginner, it might be a great idea to follow your curiosities and begin with familiarizing yourself with some of the options out there. This would also make the perfect opportunity to talk to your partner about your interests and it could also double as foreplay.
Shopping for sex toys can be done either online or in person. If you decide to go shopping in person you have the added advantage of being able to see and feel the toys, this could give you a better idea of what toys will suit you best. You will also have a salesperson on hand so you will be able to ask them any questions you might have about specific toys, as well as being able to buy them there and then, then taking the straight home to put them to use. Just be mindful of the person you are shopping with, it can get rather exciting, but it is in public, and your partner might not be as keen with involving other people without their consent.
On the other hand, shopping online is a lot more private, this could also give you both more space to talk about items more comfortably and openly, giving you time to discuss which toys you are more drawn to and how you would want to use them, these might be details you would be less inclined to discuss whilst in a shop. You will have to wait a little big longer to get your hands on them and start playing but imagine how exciting it will been once they have arrived due to the anticipation that has built up during the wait
Use sex toys all over the body!
It’s a great idea to start thinking out of the box when it comes to sex toys, often the toys typically used on your genitals, like a vibrator, are also great when used on other areas but people tend to just stick to the known. Its great to explore the body with sex toys, experimenting with a toy like a vibrator will allow you to experience different sensations, like how the vibrations feel on your nipples. Or even a dildo and how the silicone feels running down your back. So, open your mind up to the different possibilities.
With everything there are always exceptions, and these apply with sex toys as well. Always make sure its safe, when using something outside of its intended purpose. This mainly applies to anal play, so bare in that anything you plan on putting up your bottom has a flared base, to avoid it getting stuck up there, that could end up as an embarrassing hospital trip, and believe it or not it does actually happen. Common sense goes a long way!
Stimulate yourself during penetration
It was touched upon slightly further up about how people with vaginas tend to have trouble orgasming due to the lack of clitoral stimulation. There is no shame in you taking the reins there whilst your partner penetrates you. You could even test out a couple of different unobtrusive clit vibrators to figure out which works best for you. Switching up positions now and then will also help you find a position which is more comfortable and easier for you to hold a vibrator, where it’s just right, for instance it might be easier while you’re riding on top rather then on your hands and knees.
Experimenting with edging
For those who aren’t quite sure what edging is, it is when you or your partner has been brought close to orgasm and then had it stopped just before it has actually happened. Pretty much like pushing each other to the edge of orgasm then backing off. It’s not only very teasing and sexy but it also helps you and your partner tune into what need to be done to make each other orgasm.
A great toy for this is often a magic wand, as many people with vaginas are able to reach orgasm with the vibrations.
Go Remote
Some sex toys come equipped with a remote, for instance some vibrators or vibrating plugs, these are often very useful in a variety of ways. For example, it saves the hassle of fiddling with buttons in awkward places during sex. It also allows you or your partner to have more control over the others pleasure, leaving them in control of the intensity and vibration pattern.
Also, nowadays some of the remote-controlled toys have the ability to work long-distance, with the help of apps. This is great if you’re wanting to tease your partner whether they are in a separate room or in a totally different home.
Find ways to reverse roles
The use of sex toys can provide tons of opportunities to play in different ways which you wouldn’t normally be able to. For instance, sex toys can become an aid for some sexy role reversals between you and your partner. Many will turn to strap-ons to give them the opportunity to penetrate a partner who would normally penetrate them, perhaps asking the to perform oral sex on a strap-on rather then when you usually blow them. Some however may just play with traditional gendered clothing and accessories
However, role reversal can mean anything you want it to. It could be using restraints on a partner who would normally be the one that is more dominant or using softer ore gentle toys on someone that normally enjoys it rough. The best thing about it is, it’s internally down to you and your partner, so you can both decide what roles you are wanting to experiment with.
Masturbate together
The use of sex toys together doesn’t necessarily mean you have to use them on each other. You could always participate in mutual masturbation, this could prove to be an equally valid ways to explore your bodies, whilst showing each other what you’re into and still being able to get off together.
If your partner has a penis, but hasn’t experimented with sex toys whilst masturbating before, then this could be a great time for them to try out some different male masturbators to see which work best for them.
Also its well known that men are very visual and find watching their partner getting off a massive turn on so what better way to get him flustered then you masturbating in front of him.
