Strap-Ons are a great selection of toys that will add new and exciting levels of sexual dynamics. Everybody and anybody of any sexual orientation can use them but, as a woman and someone with a vagina, you may feel a little overwhelmed by the world of strap-ons and what will be the best kind for your body. With this guide, we're here to put any of your worries to rest and by the end, you'll know exactly what you're looking for.
How to Use a Strap-On
The first thing to check when looking for a strap-on is whether it is intended for men or women. Female strap-ons are typically a universal strap-on: a harness that you adjust to fit you around your waist and legs and then attach a dildo to the front. Women also have a wider selection because these can also be a dildo or a vibrator version. There also female strap-ons that do not require a harness and can be worn internally, using the vaginal walls to keep the toy in place, and is inserted much like a dildo. Some prefer these types as they create the illusion of a lifelike penis rather than just simply mimicking the function of one. On the other hand, male strap-ons are usually hollow to allow a penis to be inserted comfortably: if you'd like to learn more about strap-ons for men, read our Men's Strap-On Dildo Guide.
With a universal strap-on, you can customise them to your desire. You can purchase ones that have more of a subtle strap to not draw attention to the harness itself while others are deliberately obvious to hammer home just one idea: you're the one in charge, you're the dominator. Once you find a style that suits you, you can purchase interchangeable dildos - you can buy all the components of a strap-on individually! As long as your dildo has a flared or suction cup base and is a good size to fit in your harness (measure the internal diameter of the harnesses slot and then find the circumference of the intended dildo), then the world (of strap-on dildos) is your oyster!
Penetration
The most obvious and simple way of using a dildo is for vaginal penetration. In lesbian or genderfluid relationships, you may feel limited to just finger or oral stimulation methods and that maybe faffing around with buttons and whatnots on sex toys is a slight mood killer in the heat of the moment. Instead, using a strap-on allows for: hands-free sex, easy penetration, g-spot pleasure and an unrestricted, more intimate sexual experience together.
Pegging
Pegging can work for any and all couples, no matter your gender or sexuality, and is often seen as one of the most dominating of sexual acts. Typically, pegging is described as when a women anally penetrates a man. Whether your both into power play or want your man to experience prostate stimulation, a strap-on is a great way to achieve this much in the same way as penetration. Strangely, one of people's biggest concerns around pegging? "Does pegging mean that my man is more interested in men?" No. Obviously, if you feel it is necessary, then have an open discussion about it. But most likely? They just want to shake the bedroom up a little bit and discover a new stimulating experience.To use a strap-on for anal penetration, it is recommended to first start off with plenty of lubricant (as the anus doesn't make naturally lubricants like the vagina does) and warm your partner up with something such as a finger, anal beads or a butt plug. Much as the vagina should be worked up to full penis penetration for the ultimate comfort and pleasurable experience, so should the anus (if not more so). Once your partner feels ready to take on more, still start of small, slow and gently in order to allow them to adjust to this new feeling. It's easy to get carried away but just remember to be patient: if all goes well, you'll be experts in no time and you will truly be in full control.
Types of Strap-Ons
The style that you choose is completely a personal choice: some just want to give or others despise the look of a harness. It can also take some getting used to as you've likely never had an erect penis-like object attached to you before. Here is a breakdown of the most common strap-on styles:
Harness
The classic 'universal' harness tends to have three straps (one for the waist and one for each leg) and is attached to the body by pulling it on like a pair of trousers and tightening the buckles to fit you perfectly. They usually have removeable dildos that can be interchanged for a versatile and customisable experience - no more "one size fits all" expectations as you can select the shaft that your heart desires from our wide arrange here. As mentioned previously, all the dildo needs is a flared or suction cup base and to fit inside the harness and if those requirements are met, you are good to go!
We would recommend starting out on the smaller end, however, as you and your partner adjust to this new experience and then increase the shaft or girth or head size to your hearts content. The disadvantages of a classic harness is that they are more likely to be non-vibrating and they do not offer internal stimulation for the wearer as well.
Vibrating
Vibrating harnesses are designed much in the way as classic harness except for the major difference: the dildo is typically not unattachable. Yes, major downside we know but the advantage is that this is a vibrating dildo designed specifically for this harness. You can still get the same stimulation varieties: g-spot, double penetrating, rabbit etc. however they are just not interchangeable like the classic harness. Another downside is that they can also come with a small remote control to control the vibration settings that attaches to the harness like a tool belt.
They are designed to be user-friendly as much as possible but if you're looking to have less fumbling in the bedroom, then we would recommend not starting out initially with a vibrating strap-on as you learn the ropes.
Strapless
Strapless 'Strap-Ons' are designed specifically for the vagina to deliver internal stimulation for both individuals involved. Just slip the smaller shaft into your vagina and, with practice, it will be held in place by the muscles of your vagina. This design allows your body to be completely unobscured and are available in a variety of styles and features. Again, because there is no other fitting than your muscles, this product will definitely require some practice to get to grips with.
Double Strap-Ons
Meet the universal harness's dual internal stimulating cousin! Double Strap-Ons are a harness strap-on that fits the exact same way except they have a dildo on the inside as well as the outside, allowing for equal amounts of stimulation. With this strap-on design, you can have the equality of a strapless with the security of a universal harness.Strap-On Tips
As mentioned throughout this guide, as a beginner, a strap-on will take time to get used to especially as a female. It will require a lot of understanding between you and your partner, much like any sexual experimentation requires.1 - Communicate! As with all aspects of a healthy relationship, communication is key. When experimenting with anything in the bedroom, this becomes even more important and essential. Make sure to have open communications with your partner about what you imagine from a strap-on experience: style, dildo, size, positions, etc. You both need to be fully upfront about whether you're looking to use the strap-on for vaginal or anal penetration and never expect that confirmation of one will lead to the other. Selecting your first strap-on together will allow these conversations to happen naturally. Communication is important before, during and after the experience so ensure you keep talking and discuss what does or doesn't work for either of you. An aspect for the giver to consider? The wearer shall not be able to feel the dildo that is penetrating you so be sure to communicate exactly what you are feeling to make sure you're both as comfortable as possible - maybe even consider a safe word for greater ease of mind?
2 - Research! Reading this guide is an excellent way to begin your research but you can never be too prepared so make sure to read some of our other guides here or to have a browse at the selection of harnesses and strap-on dildos that we offer here to get a good understanding of what selections are actually viable.
3 - Correct Usage! Sounds silly but make sure your research has also extended to exactly how the harness you have purchased is intended to be worn so that it can fit you perfectly and securely. While harnesses may be universal for different dildos, their adjustments are not - some will have: buckles, clips, O-rings (used to slot the dildo into), nothing etc. Again, this will come down to personal preference so make sure you're purchasing the one that will fit your body best and the most comfortably.
4 - Lubricant! With most sex toys, lubrication is a must. As previously mentioned, it is essential for strap-on usage - especially if you're intending to use it for anal. Use an extremely generous amount of lube and avoid any cuts on the skin. As with any toy, ensure you use the correct lubricant base for the correct dildo material.
5 - Practice! It will take practice so please don't be disheartened if your first time has a few bumps along the way. It's a sensation that is likely to be new for the both of you. To prepare before use, try wearing the harness a few times by yourself (away from intercourse) to give your body time to adjust - much like you may with a new pair of shoes. Another recommendation is that, for the first use in sex, the recipient moves themselves onto the dildo rather than the wearer penetrating them: this allows the recipient to be in control of the angle, pace and comfortability.
