What Is Sex?

 What is sex is one of the most common searched questions when it comes to anything intimate. The easiest answer is simply “whatever you define it to be!”

A really common misconception is that sex is defined as penis in vagina penetration and intercourse. Whilst this is definitely one way to have sex for some people, it’s not the only option. It’s mostly about personal definitions- some people may include oral sex (like fellatio or cunnilingus) and some may only include genital sex (including a penis, vagina, or anus). Sex can vary, not only in people’s individual definitions, but also day to day- what someone might define as sex for themselves at one point in their life, might change and adjust over time. 

Sex can include (but totally isn’t limited to!):

• Masturbation (doing things to your own body with or without a partner)
• Kissing
• Stroking or massaging body parts
• Breast or nipple stimulation
• Grinding, with or without clothes on against someone's body
• Hand to genital contact- fingering, hand jobs, fisting in the vagina, with the penis, or in the anus
• Mouth to genital contact
• Penetrative sex (in the vagina or anus)
• Sexting or phone sex (may include masturbation)
• Any of the above but using sex toys 

These definitions of sex are variable. Some people may enjoy certain aspects only with certain partners or someone they have an emotional connection with and others may engage in their chosen activities with all or most of their sexual partners.

A healthy relationship will recognize that these activities are not mandatory. There’s also no right or wrong way to do anything sexual, as long as everyone involved is enjoying it then it’s working!

Motivations behind the actions are important too. For example, rape and sexual assault aren’t sex. Sex must be consensual for both/all people involved. Another example is a medical check up where hand to genital contact may occur, but there is no sexual motivation or desire behind the action. 

Basically, sex is up to the individual to define and doesn’t have to occur at any point in any relationship if there’s no desire or want for it. Experimentation is normal and healthy to find out what is enjoyable so go ahead and find what works for you.