Before having sex for the first time, its important to understand something about virginity. It isn’t real – it is a social construct.
From the beginning we are taught to believe, whether from religion, education or society, that virginity represents purity – at least in women. Historically if a man is promiscuous, he is rewarded but if a woman dared to even have sex once before marriage, she is shamed as a ‘slut’ and outcast from society. Thankfully, we are in a time of change where we can challenge this social construct.
Let’s start with the Oxford Language Dictionary’s definition of virginity:
1. A person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. A person who is naïve, innocent, or inexperienced in a particular context.
3. A person who is not yet used, exploited, or processed.
So, lets bust these virginity myths:
Your ‘Cherry’ Will Pop The First Time You Have Penetrative Sex:
Um, no this so called ‘Cherry’ isn’t a normal thing and is frankly one of the most dangerous virginity myths around. First, the hymen is NOT a ‘thin seal or membrane that seals the vagina’. It is a ‘thin and stretchy layer of tissue located below the opening of the vagina’. It's shaped more like a ring that can stretch and move with ease. It serves no biological function and doesn’t usually rupture and cause bleeding even when having penetrative sex for the first time. So when, in some cultures, a woman’s hymen doesn’t ‘break and bleed’, this can lead to her being shunned from that specific society, attacked, abused, imprisoned or in the worst of circumstances, murdered for ‘deceitful behaviour’.
How come no method has been invented to know if a man is a virgin?
The Vagina Loosens And Changes Shape After Having Sex:
This is completely false and used to scare women away from losing their v-card.
“During sexual arousal, the muscles of the vagina relax, and this enables penetrative sex.
These muscles relax slowly, which is why foreplay can be very important. After sex, the vagina returns to its usual shape and tension.” – Medical News Today
“Unless you are engaging in practices that are out of the ordinary, I would say absolutely not.” says Alyssa Dweck, MD, gynaecologist (ob-gyn)
“The vagina is an incredibly forgiving area, very rich in nerves and blood supply . . . so traditional penile-vaginal intercourse isn’t going to cause any permanent stretching, although things stretch at the time of course,” Dr. Dweck tells Health.
Now there are many reasons why someone would want to spread a rumour such as this, and all reasons have malicious intent. Some people are so insecure that if they are the only person you have ever slept with, then their performance can never be compared to anyone else. Therefore by feeding someone this information, the victim will be afraid of having sex with more than one person.
This is a toxic form of thinking it means they believe your value as a partner is based entirely on sex. If you truly care and are compatible with a person then sex will be special, size and experience doesn’t matter in the slightest because when the chemistry is there: all forms of intimacy are rewarding and magical.
A Person Can Find Out If You Are A Virgin From Examining You:
“There is no physical sign that indicates the virginity of a woman: in fact, no physical examination will be able to evaluate the virginity of a human being, man or woman.” – National Library of Medicine
“First, we want to reassure you that your gynaecologist can NOT tell whether you’ve had sex, even during a pelvic (sometimes called gynaecological) exam.” – Teen Health Care
Any and all so-called virginity tests are sexist (as they can only be performed on people with a vagina) and they are a violation of your human right for privacy. There is absolutely no way to tell if a person is a virgin or not from examining their private area. If someone is telling you this, they are lying or mis-educated.
Virginity is a old-world concept, whose original purpose was to control feminine sexuality. Reclaim it to give it a new meaning, or dispose of it - the choice is always yours.
Now, if you are having sex for the first time and fancy some advice - we have an article just for you, discover it here: Having Sex For The First Time